Reopened Mind

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Posts by Reopened Mind

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  66

  To Dissassociate or just Fade into Inactivity ? Your Choice ? Reasons ?

  by flipper in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  this has been asked before, however i thought it may be good for newer members of the board to read some of our reasons on how we decided to exit the jw cult and why we decided to do it the way we did.. first off - i have been faded for almost 8 years.

  essentially i decided to fade into inactivity and not da because i have elderly jw parents who would shun me if i did get dfed or daed myself.

  also- i like keeping open the possibilities that some of my many jw relatives may in time start doubting and have questions and reach out to me in my inactive state.

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  Reopened Mind

  flipper,

  I am not disfellowshipped nor have I taken the formal step of writing a letter of disassociation. The Memorial in April was the last meeting TotallyADD and I attended, that being in a KH an hour away with our son, his wife, and his children. Then we moved a thousand miles away with the purpose of fading. TotallyADD had our publisher cards sent to a nearby congregation where we have not shown up, neither has anyone come inquiring of us. We don't know if any action has been taken in absentia.

  I've had my moments when I just wanted to write a letter saying I was no longer a JW, but refrained for the sake of our children and grandchildren. So here we are in spiritual limbo, not in, not officially out.

  If I could make a choice without consequences to my family I would definitely make a clean break. But the cult controls our minds, our lives, our emotions. Our lives will always be stained from our association with the WT.

  I, like you flipper, consider myself a non-Witness and am learning how to conduct my life as such.

  Reopened Mind
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  37

  Update: I got the shun at my dad's funeral- the best outcome really!!

  by Coffee House Girl in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hello all jwn .

  so glad to have that over with- it was surreal to walk in the kh after two years...it is just a building to me now (not "jehovah's house").

  i must say that now i'm on the outside...what a boring sad building- the people were not joyful and friendly (just older and fatter than i remember)- i got the nervous stares and shaky "hi" when i looked at all of them and said hello.. my mom was sitting all by herself in the front row of the hall...i went and sat by her side.

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  Reopened Mind

  Coffee House Girl,

  I've been thinking about you all day and wondering how it went for you at your dad's memorial service at the KH. Thanks for posting an update. I pity your poor mom. She walked a very fine line between her WT trained conscience and her authentic personality of being your mother. Sounds like she still has some feelings for you, but alas and alack it looks like the cult is winning. Give her time. You and I both know the time is only as short as our life spans.

  At least you had some support at the service from your brother, your non JW relatives, and the one aunt who gave you a hug. And when you get back home you have Coffee Shop Guy.

  I can sympathise with losing someone who was close to you, then not having your grief even acknowledged. Last year I lost a very dear friend and an aunt to whom I was very close.

  So so sorry for your loss.

  Many hugs ((((CHG))))

  With love,

  Reopened Mind
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  49

  Anyone wanna place a bet on what will happen to me when I have to go to the Kingdom Hall this Saturday??

  by Coffee House Girl in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  well since there is no "betting" (as it reeks of gambling) in jdub land, lets place a friendly wager on what will happen to me when i go to my father's "memorial" service at the kingdome hall this saturday..... to give you newbies background info: i am neither df'd or da'd- i left 2 years ago with no explanation.

  i have been hounded by elders in my cong because they have suspicions that i am living with a man, but they have no proof (well, no proof in jdub land- you know...two witness rule).

  after many attempts to get me to meet with them- i finally sent the elders a "cease & desist" letter after one of them spied in my miniblinds to see me eating breakfast with someone (they couldn't identify who).

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  Reopened Mind

  CHG,

  I agree you will probably get some of all three choices, but who knows? It all dependes on the personalities of the people in the congregation. You are preparing well so should get through relatively unscathed.

  nugget gave good suggestions for how to answer.

  Keep in mind you are going to honor your father and to add moral support for your mother and brother.

  Please share with us how it turns out.

  Reoopened Mind
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  34

  Anniversary of my mums death....the JW robbed me of time with her and I cant forgive them.

  by Pams girl in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  its been 2 years.

  she was lying in intensive care (i didnt know she only had a few days left)...... building up to the bloody convention in cardiff millenium stadium.

  yap yap yap we can take you yap yap, you need to be there yap yap, oh my head was all over the place.

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  Reopened Mind

  Pams girl,

  I'm glad you posted here and allowed us to give you some much needed support. Take a break, breathe, have a cup of tea. My favorite is Earl Grey. Then forgive yourself. No one knows when someone is going to die. We just do the best we can and that Paula is what you did.

  Let go of the hate. The objects of your hatred don't know or care what you feel, but it is eating you up. Perhaps some professional counseling would help you to move on.

  I have sent you a PM

  Love and sympathies,

  Reopened Mind
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  10

  Update on my Uncle.

  by LouBelle in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  it is so difficult to watch someone you love die slowly.

  my uncle has terminal prostate cancer - that is how it started and developed from there to invade the bladder, urinary tract, urethra.

  the doctors could not operate on him as he would more than likely die on the operating table.. he chose to fight.

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  Reopened Mind

  LouBelle,

  So sorry. ((((((((HUGS)))))))

  It is so hard watching someone you love die. Treasure the time you have left with him as I know you are.

  TotallyADD & Reopened Mind
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  160

  I'm new here..... Studying with the Witnesses

  by PenelopePaige in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hi- i just wanted to say that i have been checking the website out for a few weeks and have read some horror stories and some sad ones.

  but i have been studying with witnessess for about six months and can't help but feel that they're completely sincere and maybe even, the true religion.

  i love the watchtower and awake and to me, none of that seems crazy.

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  Reopened Mind

  PenelopePaige,

  You are very wise to do your research before committing to becoming a Jehovah's Witness. If only the internet was available back when many of us were studying there would be a lot fewer of us here. To avoid getting sucked into any high control group I highly recommend reading Steve Hassan's book "Combatting Cult Mind Control" and compare it to ANY group that is trying to recruit you.

  Having an unexplained "supernatural" experience can be overwhelming. Please try to find a logical explanation for what happened to you. A good place to start would be anything written by Michael Shermer who publishes Skeptic magazine. His website is www.skeptic.com.

  Reopened Mind
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  61

  Never, ever posted to a site before-Scarec silly

  by PaintedToeNail in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  hi, i'm scared to death writing this that i will be discovered and have major problems.

  i had a good life being raised as a jw child.

  many good memories of people, places and times.

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  Reopened Mind

  PaintedToeNail,

  Your courage in posting here is commendable especially with a husband who is still a believing JW.

  You ask, "What else is there to believe in?" This is a reflection of the WT saying of "Where will we go away to?" To the latter question, there is a whole wide world to explore. To the former question, you don't have to believe in anything at least for the moment. Take the time to explore new ideas without WT glasses. Open your mind and decide for yourself. It's a scary journey for sure but it will be your journey.

  Much good advice has already been given. Give heavy consideration to what nugget said. Think deeply about how the isolation of being raised in a closed cult will affect your children, how it robs them of normal social interaction. They need to make their own mistakes without the threat of disfellowshipping hanging over their heads. And, yes, they will make them. Be there to pick them up, not kick them out. My husband, TotallyADD, was raised a JW and we raised our two boys in the cult.

  Do as much research as you can. There is much on the internet if you don't feel you can get your hands on a book. You also have a lot of support here as there is someone here who has experienced each aspect of what you have been through. If you would be more comfortable you can post in the members only section or pm any one of us. Just let us know by posting, for example, "Reopened Mind you have a pm".

  Relax and take your time. The world is not going to end anytime soon.

  Reopened Mind
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  28

  Newbie want's to say hi

  by Adso in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  just wanted to say hi and thanks to everyone that has posted their stories and comments.

  i was df'ed a few months ago now and reading this forum has helped out heaps.

  based on that i wanted to contribute in the hope that my experiences resonate with someone and help with the healing proccess the way it's helped me.

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  Reopened Mind

  WOW Adso,

  A big welcome to the forum.

  As a convert I cannot begin to understand what you have been through. There are many others here with similar stories including my husband who posts as TotallyADD. You will find a lot of support here. From what you have written so far it looks to me that you need more than a support group. You need professional psychological help. I implore you to get it.

  The cult of Watchtower divides and conquers. Don't let it conquer you.

  Reopened Mind
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  41

  Thanks for your support JWN!!! Dad dies monday, JW family goes to convention on thursday

  by Coffee House Girl in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  coffee shop guy directed me to his thread...thank you so much everyone for your thoughts of support, it means a lot to have people who understand and show genuine sympathy.

  here's my experience so far.... my father dies monday night & my brother (nonjw) calls me to come home, when i arrive my father is still sitting on the couch- all the jw family is sitting in a semi-circle around him, my non jw brother is standing in the next room.

  no one is crying, no one is talking.

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  Reopened Mind

  Coffee House Girl,

  You have a pm

  Reopened Mind
• 
  41

  Thanks for your support JWN!!! Dad dies monday, JW family goes to convention on thursday

  by Coffee House Girl in

  1. jw
  2. friends

  coffee shop guy directed me to his thread...thank you so much everyone for your thoughts of support, it means a lot to have people who understand and show genuine sympathy.

  here's my experience so far.... my father dies monday night & my brother (nonjw) calls me to come home, when i arrive my father is still sitting on the couch- all the jw family is sitting in a semi-circle around him, my non jw brother is standing in the next room.

  no one is crying, no one is talking.

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  Reopened Mind

  Coffee House Girl (and by extension Coffee Shop Guy),

  TotallyADD and I send our sincerest condolences on the loss of your father. No matter how much we anticipate a loved one dying it is still a shock when it happens. It is made even more so by the reactions of those still trapped in the cult.

  Your remembrance of your dad with your brother around a campfire was truly touching. Very, very fitting and a true honor to your dad's memory.

  Please also extend our sympathies to your brother as well for the hurt he is going through.

  Reoened Mind